Now you can become a millionaire as Self-Help Guru! Just follow this simple six-step plan and in no time you’ll be living the life you thought you would have if you followed the advice of Self-Help Gurus!
STEP 1 – Pick some ubiquitous aspect of being human, something that a large number of people experience — like having unpleasant thoughts or feelings, having difficulties at work or in relationships, or having parents — and tell people that having this common condition is, in fact, proof that there is something wrong with them.
STEP 2 – Make up a theory about why they have this newly-minted “problem.” Don’t get too caught up on this step. Any theory will do: unremembered visits from aliens, “astral demons” that only you can see (this is a good one because nobody can prove you wrong!), having sadistic “parts of you” that want you to be unhappy, or the old classic, having parents that weren’t perfect when you were a child. Part of the theory must include the idea that not believing you have a problem is, in fact, proof you have the problem (you’re just in denial about it).
STEP 3 – Write a book or, better, give a workshop that promises to fix the “cause” of the “problem.” If you can come up with a cool name for the problem, the cause or the end-result, so much the better. Here are some examples that have worked well in the past: Inner Child, Co-dependence, Enlightenment. The key here is to engender an AHA! experience — a moment where the person feels some release or a rush or, at the very least, the idea that they can be free of this human experience once and for all. This is especially easy in a workshop setting where, frankly, if you charge enough money and put a bunch of strangers in an unusual place you’re guaranteed to get “results.”
The book and workshop circuit can get you to the 6-figure mark, but if you really want millions, then you need these next steps.
STEP 4 – Create the “ADVANCED COURSE” for when the students don’t quite “get it,” or who “lost it” when the adrenaline they got pumping by yelling “YES!” for 3 days wore off, or for when, for any reason, “it’s just not working.” Make sure you promise to reveal secret techniques that will speed up the process 100 times! At the end of the course, make sure you collect testimonials from people about how they FEEL their life will change in the future… use these to keep promoting the earlier books, workshops, etc.
STEP 5 – Begin a training program, certifying others to teach your technique. Make sure you:
- Charge at least 10x what your workshops cost… after all, you’re giving these people a livelihood!
- Get a percentage of whatever your mini-me’s earn when they use your material
STEP 6 – Keep building the list of participants from all these programs and then, simply, repeat from Step 1, selling your “newest, greatest, most life-changing discovery yet!” to the ever-growing group (or, by now, groupies). Ideally make your new works available as books, CDs, DVDs, telecourses and anything else you can think of. By the way, you don’t need to start from scratch! You can use the exact same “problems” and “solutions” you’ve already used, just with newer, cooler names! Oh, and make sure that you have enough new material to distract people from some events that will likely happen as you carve out your self-help millionaire niche: bankruptcy, divorce or affairs, health problems, kids who say you’re a fake.
Step 6, done correctly, can put you on a rocket ship to riches.
OPTIONAL INCOME ACCELERATOR – Use this optional step very carefully, as it can either put you on the ULTRA fast path or lead to a humiliating crash and burn. Here it is: Claim that you’re channeling all your teachings from a mega-smart non-physical being. This “being” can be from another planet, or from Atlantis, or merely a universal intelligence, but make sure it speaks with an ever-evolving accent. Don’t underestimate the power of this tool.
See you at the top!
Comments
16 responses to “How to Become a Millionaire Self-Help Guru (it’s easy!)”
Oh yes, Steven-ji, you have finally offered the ultimate answer to the endless questions — and so perfectly laid out! Thanks for the great laughs, and for putting so clearly into words something I’ve recognized and been amazed/amused/intrigued/disgusted by for a very long time. Fun, too, to find this place where I can play with you again once in a while…
Love and disembodied hugs,
Sharon~*
Yes! And a really good version of this template is:
1. declare that there is one thing that you have to do and that’s the secret to having everything else
2. point out that in case you try that and notice you aren’t getting the promised results, you must not be in ‘alignment’
3. sell the solution to alignment–books, workshops, etc.
See ‘The Secret’ DVD for this version–but it is ubiquitous isn’t it…
Oh, you just reminded my of my favorite… I actually saw this one. See if you can identify who puts it out:
1) If you want to “manifest” something, send this person $200+ and they will “hold the intention” that you get it in their daily prayers.
2) They will continue to do this every day until you get the thing you want or until you decide to tell them to stop
3) (here’s the best part) If you don’t send the money, that PROVES you don’t REALLY want to make the commitment to having what you say you want.
Is that brilliant, or what?
Sashen,
Yes, you have mapped out the success strategies of the New Age gurus and self-help pioneers—-One further technique is to quote other gurus in your book in a casual manner ,then ask them to write a forward or favorable comment which you can use in your back-cover—-something like ” this book will change your life for ever” or “this is the only book to carry on your lone island trip’ and so on….By scratching each other’s back,the circuit keeps building up with great sales…
I call the gang that engages in that practice “The Mutual Manifestation Masturbation Society” 😉
brilliant…well done…the world needs people like you!xx
oh i really love this. i have wasted 1000s on the S.H.A.M., and now it’s all paying off 😉
[…] How to Become a Millionaire Self-Help Guru (it’s easy!) […]
very interesting, but I don’t agree with you
Idetrorce
To paraphrase the supposed words of the Buddha, Idetorce, don’t agree with me or not, but test my theory and see what you discover 😉
Create a workshop for people who want to, oh, get rid of unpleasant (if you use the word “negative” it may be better) thoughts about their bodies… because once they do, they’ll lose weight, earn more money, get their dream job as a greeter at Walmart, and be happier than everyone from their high school class.
Then, teach the “Quantum Holographic DNA Resenquencing Multi-phasic Lemurian Astral Neuro-cartography Bio-electric Body Scan.” Don’t know what that is? Me either. Make it up. It just has to be doing something simple for so long that people have a mild psychotic episode.
OH! Here’s the technique — have people stare at their naked bodies in the mirror for 3 hours, focusing on the one square inch they don’t dislike. Guaranteed that enough people will have “breakthroughs” that EVERYONE will want to sign up for the next workshop (the breakthrough people will need to “integrate,” and the other group will want to get what the first group got).
OH, part 2! Charge $4997.95 for the five hour event. If it’s THAT expensive, it MUST be great! At that price, some people would figure out a way to have a “transformative experience” and get their money’s worth. Frankly, at that price, you could not even show up and the majority of people would be too embarrassed to ask for a refund!
Try it, you’ll see 😉
Hi guys,
another way to become a millionaire is by searching for rich relatives you didn t know about.
on http://www.famillion.com you can register for free and build your family tree.
I did it and found a cousin in Australia! well, he is neither rich nor old, but maybe yours is!!!
Check it out! it s worth it and fun!
yours,
Keira
Hi Steven. I landed at your site while I surfing around. As an entrepreneur I’m afraid I have to disagree with this article, although it does raise several valid points. First of all I will be the first one to say watch out and be careful who you follow in the world of self development. But then it is like any other business and rightfully buyer beware. The legitimate players on the field all have money back guarantees, some may take 30 days as per policy, but then that is common in many businesses.
As I retired police officer I am currently constructing a site that will expose the scammer’s and what I call the ‘waste of timers’. I have seen many people over the years get ripped off and it is sad to see, but many of them also have to take responsibility for themselves and realize that had they done just a little research they would have never given their credit card number.
Yes it can be easy enough to make a million dollars in the self development business, however the frauds get exposed sooner,because now especially with the net, bad news travels a lot faster then good news.
My advise to others is just this-
1. Do not follow any one person or ‘guru’ as no one person has all the answers to what you may be looking for. You may find that you gain one or two ideas from each one and incorporate some of those ideas into your life. Some will work for you some won’t. It’s like running a business, increase the stuff that’s working for you and dump the stuff that wont. But don’t be afraid to try different methods. In a society where the average person spends more on tobacco, alcohol, and junk food then they do on personal development, it makes me wonder why more people are not complaining about the millions that are made by the companies that are addicting you to those.
2.If anyone tells you it’s a limited time deal and is trying to sell you on emotion, turn around and walk away. Tell them simply, if I have to decide right now, then my answer is no. Never feel pressured to buy.
3. THERE ARE NO GET RICH QUICK SCHEMES. However with some motivation and some creativity you can achieve the financial goal you want, it just won’t happen overnight and it won’t fall on your lap. The movie the Secret is a great movie, but remember this, (for those who turned it off early) the movie does focus on personal action to obtain what is is you want. (Think + Feeling) + Action= Results (+ or -). It’s the core foundation to self development. You can study the method someone used to be successful and map out a plan, it will involve changes in your life and there will be work involved, so if you don’t believe you can do it you won’t. The people who persevered and stopped worrying about what everybody else thought about what they were doing are the ones who obtain the same results.
The person with 5 times more money then you is not 5 times smarter, they just stopped underestimating their own abilities. They realize that if you can do it, I can do it too, it might take them longer or they may make a few tweaks and do it faster. But you have to get emotional to drive yourself to do something that you know is going to be hard work. Most people do not recognize their destiny because it is dressed in work clothes. Is it such a bad thing to be positive? If you were not passionate about your website and your views you wouldn’t have created it, because it is work initially and I can see by the quality you have put a lot of work into it. You envisioned how you wanted it to look like and believed you could make a quality site and you took the action to do it, I would even bet you had to learn a skill or two to do it?
4.Regardless of what you believe about the law of attraction or any other form of self development, remember that the world commerce revolves around business. Things are changing at an extremely fast rate. We have evolved more in the last 10 years then we have in the last 200. Yet our school systems are still preparing our children for a world from 20 years ago. With our ability to globally communicate at the drop of a hat to people on the other side of the earth and to be able within 24 hours to fly there and do business leads to all kinds of incredible opportunity. The days of life long jobs and pensions are going to disappear, but we shouldn’t be frightened of that. Change brings on new opportunity, it always has, however our school system is structured so negatively that most people upon graduating never want to pick up another book or learn anything new. Never stop learning, we are all carrying a super computer on our shoulders, just while writing this post or while anyone reads it, the brain is doing trillions of computations automatically. If someone inspires you to look at something in a different light and it helps you make the changes you needed to make, have you been wronged? Success is as you define it big or small, everything has a process to attaining it, learn it and go for it!
That being said let me leave you with these two quotes;
The illiterate of the year 2000 will not be the individual who cannot read and write, but the one who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn. -Alvin Toffler
When all think alike, no one thinks very much. -Walter Lippman
Sorry to be so long winded. I’ll understand if you don’t post for that reason.
Enjoyed your site, it is well laid out. I didn’t attach my site address as it is still under construction and do not want to draw any traffic till it’s complete
All the best.
Larry.
I’m not sure where you disagreed with me, Larry. 😉
But I will disagree with you on one point: I don’t think the “scammers” do get found out eventually. Some do, for sure. And, thanks to the Internet, the word does travel faster. But there are MANY scammers who merely set up shop somewhere else and, even with all the bad i-press, continue to rake in the cash from those who can’t tell a scam from a not-scam.
Which brings up the point that many people (including those teaching) don’t know a scam from a non-scam, especially given the cognitive biases we have that allow humans to see cause and effect where there is no real connection, or to misunderstand the role of chance and randomness in the outcomes we hope to achieve.
For example, I think the notion (not invented by, but most popularized by Freud) that we have problems now as a result of events that happened to us as children, is false. And, if I’m correct, anyone teaching ANYTHING based on that idea, including how to “clear up” those issues, is a scammer. But since, at the moment, most people in the self-development game believe in this concept, they’re not seen as perpetuating a myth. That is, they are unknowingly scamming people (more accurately, both teachers and students are unknowingly participating in a lie that results in the transfer of money from the student to the teacher).
And, I’m sure you’ll agree that having a money-back is no guarantee of legitimacy.
Actually, let me toss this back in your direction, Larry… name a “legitimate player” in the self-development game. And then name a non-legit player. And describe the difference. (BTW, I would argue that I’m a legit one, and the “why” is simple: I don’t believe in “self-development,” nor do I have a mythology about cause-and-effect that explains why you may not be happy or have circumstances that you like, nor how you can produce specific results which lead to happiness in an imagined future.)
Hi Stephen….. Bravo! Funny article and a lot of times, all too true!
It’s almost like the religeous preachers all promising salvation, especially if we send generous donations.
All in all though, we all need help or teachings from time to time to become what we are supposed to become on this physical plane which is….simply becoming better Spirits
If there are people out there who want to help in that cause… God Bless them for even trying!
Funny.
But so true.
I was searching the web for this very same information. After being a filmmaker I want to, now, become a spiritual leader of sorts. I personally believe that as a spiritual leader you are only motivating the people to do what they want to do. Its not really about the information. All forms of medications work, so do placeboes, everything is right and wrong at the same time.
If you are able to motivate people.. its priceless.
Thanks for teaching me gimmicks though! I’m going to try it 🙂
Great article and I’m not sure whether I should be laughing or crying at the gullibility of people desperately searching for answers. Of course, I’m not sure how the advanced alien consciousness that only I can channel feels about it… 🙂