It’s getting worse.
When I last wrote about “attraction,” I was getting maybe 3-4 emails a week telling me how I could attract whatever it was I wanted — sex, money, sexy money.
Now it’s 3-4 per DAY.
Clearly, I’m attracting these emails. Otherwise why would they show up in my inbox?
It must be that there’s something about me — my vibration, or my past lives, or the frequency of the universe that resonates with the clockwise curl in the hair on the left side of my head — that attracts these emails to my inbox (which then attracts a vein-curdling contraction throughout my body and the need to hold back my rising bile).
It MUST be about attraction… because, it couldn’t be because I subscribed to all those damn email lists from a-holes who know that “attraction” sells!
It’s like every copywriter and his third-cousin-twice-removed has gotten on the attraction bandwagon. And I’m sure they’re kicking themselves for not having done it sooner.
I’ll bet there were copywriting brainstorming meetings (either in actual groups, or just in the minds of solo copywriters) that sounded like:
BOB: “Okay, gang, we’re trying to communicate that our latest ‘How to make money while curled in the fetal position under the stairs and wearing ladies underwear’ product is simple to use… should we say that it only takes an hour a day?”
TIM: “Hmmm… that’s over 5… or 6… or… well, that’s a lot of hours per week, don’t you think?”
BOB: “Yeah, you’re right… how ’bout showing a paralyzed chimp making money with the system?”
HANK: “Nah, then people will think they’re buying a monkey instead of a set of poorly produced tapes and unintelligable Xeroxed manuals.”
DAN: “OH! OH! OH!”
BOB: “No, Dan, monkeys go UUH! UUH! UUH!”
DAN: “Ignoring that chimps are primates and not monkeys, I was making that noise because I thought of something awesome — instead of telling people they have to DO anything, like apply any effort out in the real world — why not tell them that their very being will ATTRACT what they want!?!?”
BOB: “You mean like human magnets?”
DAN: “Yeah, something like that. I don’t know the specifics yet. But that doesn’t matter. Just tell people they don’t have to actually do anything and then, when they don’t get results, we can sell them the SUPER ATTRACTION course!”
BOB: “I don’t know Dan. In advertising, we work on the assumption that humans are easy-to-manipulate idiots, but your idea means we have to believe they’re drool-swilling, amoeba-brained, complete and total morons. I don’t think even I can go that far.”
TIM: “UUH! UUH!”
BOB: “You have another idea, Tim.”
TIM: “Huh? No. I was making monkey noises.”
And so Dan went off and started his own advertising agency and, by merely “putting it out to the universe,” he attracted clients who were willing to tell people that getting results happens because you attract them, rather than going out and producing results by taking action.”
And the rest, as they say… is the history of my email inbox.