I’ve tried, I’ve really tried.

I’ve tried to be removed from every mailing list that sends me emails which make me scream. I’ve even set up filters to automatically trash email that comes in with subject lines that make my blood turn into liquid nitrogen at room temperature (a.k.a. “boil”).

But, like messages that will allow me to get a mortgage that’s cheap enough so I can afford a house big enough to hold my gigantic new “manhood”, with a spare room for all the herbal V1agyra I’ll need to use it, somehow a few “You can have/manifest/attract anything you want” emails make it into my inbox every day.

Yes, every day.

There are so many people pitching this idea that, despite my best efforts, I get 3 or 4 emails assuring me that the universe is just a big Sears catalog waiting for my telepathic order, that “SCIENCE” has proven we are put on this planet to be abundant (if , instead of “so wealthy you would pick up that tab at a lunch with Bill Gates and Warren Buffet,” you’ve defined “abundant” as “obese”, then a trip to the mall actually supports this position), or that once you know the way rich people think differently than you, you too will become skinny and tanned and spend all your time posing next to your imported Italian sports car or laughing in the wind while steering your new yacht.

The problem with this message is that it’s so compelling, it plays so well into our 100,000 year-old “how do I get what I want” brain, that when we hear someone suggest that it’s true and that they can teach us how to do it, we turn off our rational thinking process faster than we’d turn off a movie that advertises “Starring Paris Hilton!”

We ignore that we’ve never met or even heard of one human being who has “gotten everything they wanted.” (And that the ones who have seemingly come closer than we have aren’t really much happier.)

We don’t notice that the teachers themselves seem to want more and more and more… and apparently include in their list of wants: divorces, bankruptcies, children they barely see, and critics who think they’re morons.

And then we reach for our wallets when the teacher tells us the price for this incredible (literally) knowledge of how to do what has never been done.

I have only one message to pass along to the “You can have everything you want” teachers:

Call me when you have cancer

That’s my provocative way of saying, “No, you can’t.”

There are times where we get what we want, and times where we get what we don’t want. There are times where we don’t get what we want, and times where we get things we never imagined.

I don’t care how much I want to be the richest man in the world, the way that occurs require the confluence of so many factors that are beyond my control, it ain’t gonna happen. Hell, I could win Powerball every week and STILL not crack the top 10 in the Forbes 100 Richest People list.

It doesn’t matter how much I want to be the greatest golfer in the universe, there’s only one Tiger Woods, and even the people who are #2 and #3 behind him, who practice all day long just to beat him… well, they aren’t Tiger Woods either.

But back to the cancer thing.

This whole effort to try to get what we want, to get what we think will make us happy, seems like it’s just a way to pretend we aren’t going to die… something that most people REALLY don’t want. And, I’m not sure if these teachers have noticed but, so far, everyone who has ever really wanted to live… has died. But only every one of them.

At some point, nature will be stronger than anything we to do bend it in our favor.

So, to the “you can have everything you want” teachers: call me when you realize that you’re on the losing side of that game… let me know how your visualizing, vibration raising, goal-focusing, universe-requesting, unproven treatment-taking — but HIGHLY PROFITABLE — magical thinking is working for you.

Personally, I now know too many people whose last days were made miserable by their continued efforts to get something they wanted — more days — when there wasn’t any one or any thing that cared about their wants.

I can only hope that in the end you can enjoy the truly magical thing about the universe, that it’s WAY beyond our ability to comprehend, let alone control.

And now, please excuse me while I Feng Shui my office in an attempt to repel these unwanted emails.

After getting the umpteenth email about how to eliminate the blocks in my life, I am here to inform you that:

You do not have BLOCKS!

That’s right, absolutely NO BLOCKS to success, weight-loss, health, millions of dollars, your soul-mate, the perfect home, the ideal pet, winning the lottery, finding a parking space, working 4-hours per week, or becoming a finalist on American (or British) Idol.

I’m serious here. I don’t care what you THINK or what you FEEL about “blocks.” You don’t have them. 100% Guaranteed.

“Blocks” is a made-up concept, invented by naive-but-well-meaning or manipulative-scumbag (your choice) people whose goal is to:

• sell books about the “blocks” and how to “clear them”
• sell tapes about the “blocks” and how to “clear them”
• sell coaching services about the “blocks” and how to “clear them”
• sell seats in a workshop about the “blocks” and how to “clear them” (where you’ll also be able to buy books and tapes and coaching services)
• sell membership into the “advanced” course about…

Get it?

What’s interesting to me is why we’re such suckers for this idea.

Let’s play the home version of our game and find out:

PART 1

1. Think of something you want, but don’t have. Could be that fur-lined car, or the fat-free house, or the job where you get paid for playing solitaire on your computer (For many, if they’re honest, that’s what they’re getting at least 25% of their current salary for that already).
2. Now think about your current situation.
3. Okay, now pay attention to, and feel, the gap between NOW and the IMAGINED future. If you don’t know how to get from “here” to “there”, see if you can feel that something must be in the way. Something MUST be blocking the passage. Feel how that “clearing up” that something would create a direct path to what you want.

Okay, now shake that off for a sec and go on to…

Part 2

1. Think about the city you live in… I’m in Boulder, so that’s what I’ll pick.
2. Think about some other city, a few states away. I’m using Washington, DC (since I’m going there soon for my mother’s birthday).
3. Notice that, while you can “feel” the distance between the two, there is no feeling of a “gap” or a “block” or something that needs to be “cleared up” to get you from here to there.

Let me ask you a question.

Would you ever even consider taking a workshop from someone who suggested that to get from one city to another, you needed to:

• Listen to subliminal tapes that said, “You can get there! You travel with ease!”
• Spend an hour a week talking about your childhood until you understand why you haven’t hopped on a bus
• Focus on being in the other city, as if you were already there… but this time with EMOTION, or PURPOSE, or while having an orgasm
• Evolve to a new level of consciousness, where you can buy an airline ticket without your ego
• Hyperventilate to clear out astral demons who are tying you to where you currently are
• Have some sadist dig her/his elbows into your muscles until you release what’s holding you where you are
• Scream, beat pillows, rearrange the furniture in your home, wear crystals, get a colonic, get a makeover, chant, meditate or do anything else besides MOVE YOUR DAMN BODY FROM HERE TO THERE

Of course not.

Well, what’s the diff?

Simple. One is a real trip and the other is a fantasy trip.

When we engage in the fantasy, we feel a “gap” because where we are NOW is real… and the imagined future is IMAGINED. We feel a “gap” between here and there… because there’s no way to get from REAL-here to IMAGINED-there. There’s no there there!

We sense the “block” because our problem-solving mind can’t figure out how to do the impossible — build a bridge between (that we’ve told it must exist) between the REAL and the IMAGINED.

When we compare reality vs. imagination, or try to bridge the two, the EFFECT of those actions is a feeling that we could describe with words like “gap” or “block.” But that doesn’t mean there IS a gap or a block. It’s just a feeling. A feeling that follows imagining something that doesn’t exist and wondering why we’re not living in Barbie Dream House.

Just because we feel something doesn’t mean it’s true.

Next time you have the chance to go to a workshop about your blocks, remember that if feeling something meant it were real, you wouldn’t be able to drive to the event because of the traffic caused by all the unicorns and monsters that little children feel are real.