I was featured in a Toronto Star article about self-help and The Secret (www.thestar.com/article/193263) and since then have been getting quite the collection of emails in response.
My favorites are, of course, the people who agree with me and think I’m smart and funny. I love when people agree with me.
But in second place by a hair are emails that sound like this:
“I know “the secret†works! It’s changed my life. Why must you be so negative? You are sending out negative energy which will only come back to you. If that’s how you choose to live, fine. But, I don’t!”
For now, let’s not even bother analyzing the evidence that “The Secret works.” Suffice it to say, it wasn’t long ago that we were saying, “I know that sacrificing a virgin every night brings the sun back the next day… because the sun keeps coming back every time we sacrifice a virgin!”
(BTW, do you notice how similar that is to: “I know this book is the word of God, because it says so in this book!” But, anyway…)
Instead, let’s look at some other components of this “argument”:
1) First, it ends all discussion. “I know I’m right so there’s no need to think any more.” This is how our brains are wired… once we come to a conclusion we like, especially one that we think relates to attaining happiness, we are stuck on that conclusion like paparazzi on Brangelina. And rather than examine our conclusion, and seemingly risk future happiness, we shoot the messenger.
2) Second, it reveals that the speaker doesn’t even believe what they claim to believe! Here’s how: The only reason they see others as NEGATIVE is because they are POSITIVE they’re right! “These people say they “create their own reality,” but they don’t recognize that they “create” (as in “perceive”, not “attract”) negativity with their own “positive thinking.”
Look, I get it. If examining my beliefs might ruin my future satisfaction, and reveal that I’m not as smart and evolved as I thought, I wouldn’t want to go there either!
By the way, when did “negative” get such a bad rap? If you want to lick an electrical socket and I tell you that I think it’s not a good idea, am I being “negative”? If I later change my mind, am I alternating about the current?
Someone asked me, “Do you think it really matters if people believe in this stuff?”
It’s not about what they believe, it’s about why they believe, how they come to believe, how they don’t recognize they’re believers, how they treat people who don’t believe, and how they don’t recognize when they’re hypnotized by believing.
Without recognizing what a phenomenon like TS reveals about our thinking, some “interesting” things could happen.
For example, I hear a rumor that some people (more than 50 million) know for a fact that Saddam Hussein had WMDs and helped with 9/11… and “if you’re not with us,” you can be put in jail for life without legal representation. This rumor may not be true… but I believe it.
Comments
17 responses to “I’m positively negative”
Hi, Steven, congrats on the mention in the Toronto Star article. That other Steve they quoted (Salerno) is one of my blog buds.
I discovered you via Jody’s Guruphiliac blog. In the seven months I’ve been making fun of (and criticizing) “The Secret” on my blog, I’ve had pretty much the same experiences as you. I’ve had people who agree with me (and yes, it is a nice feeling :-)). But the most passionate responses are from those dedicated LOA-ers I call the Secretrons, whose mission seems to be to tell me that I am way too negative, that I’m a hate-monger, that I “just don’t know what I’m talking about,” and that the Universe will send my negativity, hate and ignorance right back to me. I’ve learned to roll with the punches, while rolling my eyes…
Roll, baby, roll 😉
the secret is probably simpler than you make it…. what you put your attention to is what grows in life… want to learn to shoot pool? give it some attention…. wallace d wattles’ book that the thing was based on (from nearly a hundred years ago) has one other neat idea, it takes the power of emotion, in the form of gratitude, and uses the energy of feeling to animate the impact…. in the practical example above, if you really care about pool, you will probably get better faster… i suspect that you dismiss things out of hand because it suits your self image…. that’s ok, but probably pointless in the long run… enjoy
To think I “dismiss things out of hand” is to not know me.
Your own example hits the nail on the head: “If you really care about pool, you will probably get better faster.” The problem is, of course, that there’s no way to TEST that theory. There’s no measurement for “caring” and no way to see if any increase in ability is, in fact, due to “caring” or, simply, more practice, or better genetics, or having a better coach or many other factors.
The second problem is that our cognitive biases, holdovers from when our thinking process developed 100,000 years ago. When we come up with a theory like “care about it and you’ll get it (at all, or faster),” we latch onto that theory, look for support for it, and overlook the evidence that might discount it… and the third problem is that we don’t recognize when we’ve done the 2nd!
The other PERFECT thing about your example is that it’s about a PHYSICAL SKILL. Developing a physical skill is COMPLETELY different than, say, wanting to “manifest” a new car, or a home, or a bike, or a relationship. We have much more control over our body than we do over the rest of the universe.
The Secret promises that you WILL get what you want. And it doesn’t take much investigation to see that we don’t always get what we visualize (no matter how much we feel ANY emotion), that we often get things we wanted even if we DIDN’T feel confident, grateful, etc., that when we get what we imagined it’s often not EXACTLY like what we were thinking, that getting what we want doesn’t always/often lead to the happiness we thought it would give us, and, finally, that we often get things we really like that never even expected (let alone set goals for).
This could lead us into a conversation about “intermittent reinforcement” and how what’s most addicting is what produces random results… but that’ll wait for a blog post.
I was an All-American gymnast. And I have to tell you, there was no amount of caring, visualizing, desiring or anything else that any of my competitors could have done to beat me. Now, before you think I’m being arrogant, you have to know that I believe my success as a gymnast was 99.9% due to factors I had 0% control over — I happen to have really good genetics for gymnastics, I happened to have not been involved in another sport when I was introduced to gymnastics, my Junior High School GYM TEACHER (who was my coach) was the 9 time World Tumbling Champion. He told me what to do; I did it; I became All-American. It wasn’t personal and it didn’t require any magical thinking.
Think about the Olympics. I can’t imagine you would suggest that the 9 guys who came in 2nd-10th place in the 100 meter dash (where the 10th guy lost by less than the time it takes for you to triple-click a mouse) placed in order of how much they “cared”, or visualized (and, even if you *did* suggest that, it would be a meaningless theory unless there was an A PRIORI measurement for caring or visualization).
Now I *could* go on, but that would suggest I have given this some serious thought (for about 35 years) rather than merely dismissed something out of hand. 😉
Hi,
The secret is out. It is not a secret anymore. Everyone knows now. Listen just think positive and believe in yourself and who you are. And treat people the way you want to be treated.
Just positive thinking always and meditation works for me…. And don’t even stand to be around negative people. Negative brings negative energy. Simple as that.
I’ve never met a “negative person” and don’t have a clue what “negative energy” would be.
Similarly, I can’t even *guess* what “positive thinking” is.
All thoughts and people are merely thoughts and people… WE call them positive/negative based on our stories of who we think they are and who we wish they would be… same as they’re doing to us.
The Law of Attraction suggests that positive attracts positive. It is claimed to be a universal truth and is supported by physics. Um, from my high school physics class, I recall that opposites attract. Just put a positive end of a magnet next to another positive magnet.
Mister Shapiro,
Please do not confuse us with scientific facts.
BTW, I’ve been thinking a LOT about Scarlett Johansen and… oh, wait, there’s the doorbell! It MUST be her!
You folks out there,you can write what ever you like. I still have my own life. I trust my self.
Just trust yourself you are totaly okej as you are. And f*ck the rest. Yours sincerley Olli.Dj
well… steven… you have bandied a stick and it has hit a hornet’s nest…
i would have liked it if i felt myself losing all the warm feelings i had for you. truth be told, i still have it – warmth in my heart when i think of you. and i am surprised. because, in that hornet’s nest was ‘me too’.
the only thing is, i am a hornet with a ‘still confused’ identity of my being a hornet of that nest.
🙂
meaning, i believe that TS like thing (law of attraction) is possible… but i am not believing IN IT till i see results in and around my life.
precis of the above: both are stories(for me) – that it works, and it doesnot.
so… i can make peace with you.
🙂
love/b.
“In the wake of this new understanding, the stress that constantly enveloped me vanished almost instantly. Within a month my income tripled even though I was working LESS. And the path of my life’s work became glaringly obvious.
And if that weren’t enough, I found myself in an incredibly easy and satisfying relationship with a woman I’d been crazy about for years (who wanted nothing to do with me prior to then).
Having a happy and fulfilling relationship may not seem like it has anything to do with some unusual understanding of money but, as you’ll soon see, it undeniably does.
I’m also glad to report that since that time things have only gotten better, more satisfying and more effortless. My income is passive (I don’t need to do anything to receive it), and is significantly greater than my expenses (so I use the difference to support charities and acquire other income-producing assets)… and the wedding in October 2003 was a BLAST!”
Steven, is there any chance that the success you were bestowed with had nothing to do with the sudden ‘realisation’ but was more to do with your predetermined fate, your highly developed intelect, luck, great opportunity coming at the right time to the right person, the astrological constellations aligning perfectly or some other random event? Because if you’re saying that you discovered the secret to a better relationship with money and you are the only legit guru (or anti-guru if you prefer) then how are you different from Joe Vitale, Eckhart Tolle, The Secret people etc. This is a true question, I have an enquiring mind 🙂
And why market yourself in the exact same way as they do?
Hey Aleks,
I don’t think for a moment that any of the OUTER RESULTS I experienced had anything to do with any “realization” I had. And the difference between what I’m doing and what others are doing is based on that:
They promise that there are specific inner causes that reliably lead to specific outer results.
I think, and teach, that this notion is… what’s the technical term? Complete nonsense.
What we can affect, with great reliability, is our inner experience… we can find clarity rather than confusion, ease rather than stress. And from that, we can more readily find steps that could move us in the direction we intend. Whether we get to “what we want” (and I have a LOT to say about how we’re usually quite confused about what *that* is), has MUCH more to do with luck, randomness, chance and, if you believe in it, fate, than most of us (and ALL of the “manifestation” teachers) would like to admit.
And, finally, the methods of affecting our inner experience are NOT by “focusing on what we want” or imagining the future, or breathing heavily, or meditating, or changing the feng shui of our bathroom… but, instead are about understanding specifically HOW and WHY our minds are able to, and almost built to, turn simple situations into problems that feel like life and death.
One book I recommend is “Stumbling on Happiness,” which posits the following simple “how to be happy” technique: Find people who have what you think will make you happy. When you meet enough of them to discover that you were mistaken (because they’re no happier having what you want), and if you can get over the idea that you’re special (“Well a million others got what I want and *they* aren’t happier, but *I* will be different!), then you’ll drop the fairy tale and discover genuine contentment.
Now, with regard to marketing the same way as they do… can you be more specific?
I’ll say in advance that it’s an ongoing challenge to find the best way to make this information available… On the one hand, if you want people to RESPOND to something you are offering, they need to believe you can give them what THEY WANT. Otherwise, they simply go somewhere else.
The challenge is that what the potential client believes they want isn’t necessarily what they want (in fact it rarely is). And it can be tricky to communicate that.
In other words, let’s go here: People want to be happy. They think that more money will make them happy. You know it won’t. Do you call your class:
a) “Money Won’t Make You Happy”
b) “The Secret of Money”
Both classes are the same… when people attend you “pull the rug out from under them” and show them that the desire for more money won’t give them what they want… but understanding WHY they thought that it would can, surprisingly, lead them to feeling happy, first, without a change in their financial situation… and from that clarity, if they still want to, say, get a better-paying job, they have a better chance at finding and taking steps that could lead in that direction than when they were stressed and confused.
I can tell you, from experience, nobody signs up for “A” …which is why the book I mentioned, above, is called “Stumbling on Happiness” and not “Your Brain is Wired to Make You THINK You Know What Will Make You Happy, But You’re Wrong!”
Also, I’m NOT engaged at all in the classic model of: Sell the basic course (my Quantum Wealth class has no fixed price, for example), as a way of getting people to buy the more “advanced” and expensive course (when what’s taught in the basic course doesn’t work)… and then the next and the next and the next.
And, the other teachings deliver a “feeling” (which is actually a thought) in the present (“Oh! I feel like I could be a millionaire”) and can only proven in and by the future. e.g. “Do this visualizing and AT SOME POINT IN THE FUTURE you’ll get what you want.”
What I’m offering has nothing to do with some impossible promise for an imagined future. And I don’t have or need “advanced” courses.
Sometimes the language used by two different things can *sound* the same because it’s describing a similar result, but the method and path can be very different. It’s one thing to say, “I can help you get rid of that pain — here’s an aspirin” and “I can help you get rid of that pain — Hey look you’ve been taking aspirin to deal with that splinter!”
And sometimes, it’s necessary to go back and re-write 😉 (I haven’t looked at that page in about 6 years, so maybe now is that time).
Last but not least, thanks for the conversation!
Let me explain NOW: (sorry I just love this word 🙂 )
I stumbled upon your blog and thought: ‘Wow, this guy is verbalising my thoughts!’ And in such a sophisticated and articulate language, what can I say, sometimes the package is more seductive than the content (advertising guys know it well) but in your case it was pure pleasure and yummy, organic food for thought. I was on to something. But then the way you worded and presented your ads for Wealth and Meditation classes/workshops/courses – well it reminded me of, we know who.
NOW, how on earth am I, the poor seeker, supposed to know the products are actually not another ‘Inner Child Instant Pain and Confusion Eradication Technique’?! If you have been through a million disappointing promises, you end up questioning if you even have an Inner Child 😉
I realise the market is what it is. People like what they like. If they spend $$$ on Deepak Chopra promising them intoxication with love and happiness Rumi-style endorsed by Oprah… If you build your cafe next to Starbucks you are going for a sure thing because they do their research well.
But what about us? The Disappointed, The Frustrated, The Not-So-Easily-Trusting-No-More? If I didn’t read your blog I wouldn’t know (not that I do know – never been to any of your workshops 🙂 ) that you MIGHT be a genuine help.
“Sometimes the language used by two different things can *sound* the same because it’s describing a similar result, but the method and path can be very different.”
I don’t know why (according to recent research even women’s intuition is no longer reliable – not to mention the brain) but you seem genuine. But how should I know if you use the same language? OK so you will get all the DC devotees, but what about me? Don’t you want me?
Please don’t ask me to write it for you 🙂
A.x
Aleks,
I hate writing LOL, but I actually DID LOL reading your last comment.
And, again, thanks for the feedback about things *seeming* the same… I’ll definitely have to take a look at the writing (which I haven’t done in quite a while).
The easiest answer I can give to “how do I know” is this:
a) As you can tell, I’m more than available to chat (both online and offline)so you or anyone else can do your due diligence and see if what I’m saying/doing is the same/different as what’s been done before.
b) For the meditation course, there are a number of “tastes” you can get at no cost — an introductory chat, an interview or 2, and 2 of the practices (which include feedback and Q&A from seminar participants)
c) Give it a whirl. I make everything available without any financial risk whatsoever, and with a nominal time-risk. I often say, “you can’t know what something is, or what the value of it is, BEFORE you’ve tried it,” so I try to make it easy and risk-free to try it. There’s no commitment required to experience what I’m doing. I’m not asking anyone to change their name, sell their house, leave their job, or get a new haircut… the meditation course is some CDs that you can listen to at your own pace and the Quantum Wealth class is, for now, a weekend.
Oh, FWIW, check out http://advancedmeditation.com/blog/hows-your-i-am-ing/ for some comments from people who’ve experienced the I AM Course.
And, as I’m sure you’ve gathered, I don’t want you… only your non-existent inner child, your made-up ego, and your fictitious subconscious 😉
I guess I’m ready for my next question then:
When are you coming to Europe? 😉
When someone decides they want to host a class and invites me.
(I taught in Finland and the Netherlands last year.)
I only teach when someone (or enough people) ask… and if it’s out of town, classes only happen when someone hosts one (that could change, but that’s how I’ve done it since 2000).
Happy to tell you how to do that if you’re inspired… drop me an email.
-S